I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
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