haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
