a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
