A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
