it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
