The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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