i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize