I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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