never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
How naked do you want me to be?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
