I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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