There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You can't just leave with hair like that
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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