just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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