I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
So vagazzling was a success
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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