My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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