Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
