she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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