he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
