I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
