The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
