the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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