she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize