If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
