i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I want to fling myself into the sun
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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