I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
