I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
