he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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