i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
