I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
