Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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