Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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