It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize