went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
