My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
