made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize