Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
