Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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