Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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