I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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