if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I want to fling myself into the sun
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
