for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
