She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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