Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
