is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
A bitchslap is in order.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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