This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
