I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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