Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
