called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize