his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
