Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
