Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
