the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
