Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
