why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
