I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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