3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
