Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I need a beard to bite.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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