somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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