I CAN MOONWALK!
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Drunk is not a location!
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
