Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I haven't been this sober since birth.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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