He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
