you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
