So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
