So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
