Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
