I'm so fucking centered right now
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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