the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
