Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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