Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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