Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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