The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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