It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
