I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
