the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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