Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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