ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
