Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
