I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
