my phone cant type all the emotion im having
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
