If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize