in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
