After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Randomize
