I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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