Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
