he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Randomize
