I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
