On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
