yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
